Now this is a topic that I didn’t think I would have gone back to. When I have difficulty coming up with a topic for each week’s blog post, I consult a list of topics that I routinely add to and then cross off once I have covered the topic. And this one was sitting there for nearly a year. 

I have written previously on the particular fear that humans have of being misunderstood—and the concurrent intention of some people to misunderstand others based on their own personal agendas. But, what about understanding the self? A personality cult I once belonged to and then escaped often touted that they had a special phrase “To know thyself is to know the way” and that no one else in the magical world ever had anything like it. To say nothing of Sun Tzu—and the many different ways that exact phrase pops up in occultism. 

But, I think many of us fall victim to a very odd concept from the time we are young and have particular angst about it during our adolescents. I’m talking about the very concept of a ‘One True Self.’ 

What is a ‘True Self?’ 

Dear Readers, we live in a world where social media influencers of all stripes, authors, artists, and just about everyone is told we need to be ‘Authentic.’ We need to be ‘Real.’ We need to be ‘Raw and Unfiltered’ in response to the heavy corporate scripting of marketing past. Even if people are two-faced, they will criticize you for having anything contradictory about yourself. Truly, I never thought we would get to the point where people constantly worried about how they were marking themselves. Granny Weatherwax said there was only one sin—and it is thinking of people like things. I wonder if it’s worse to think of yourself as a product to sell. Doesn’t matter if it’s to other people to buy your social stocks or to raise your reputation. It’s still the same mindset. 

So what even is this idea of authenticity? It seems like there is this idea that there is some form of undeniable, pure and untouched personality deep within us. That there is some set of traits that deviating from is otherwise…manipulative? Two faced? Disingenuous? So who would I be deep down? I might consider myself to be someone who likes crafts. I think I would describe myself that way. That is part of my self concept. But, there are some crafts I don’t like. So then we exclude those. But…is there a situation wherein I would not like crafts even if they were in my stated preferences otherwise? The self definition would then waver, wouldn’t it? Must we specify further? Or are we happy with the generalizations that have plenty of exceptions but are easy to remember? 

The same issue applies with people. I would consider myself to be generous in nature—but, oh my. Due to that self concept, many people have shamelessly taken advantage of me. And this is a trend I notice a lot. Apparently being a ‘good person’ is just a different label for being ‘a sucker easy to farm for benefits.’ So now I have a self concept that I have to carefully hide. Now am I being unauthentic? Or am I just protecting the soft and kind part of myself? 

What about people who are neurodivergent and must mask in order to interface with society at large? What about the code-switching required for marginalized populations? 

Why is it Impossible? 

There is one major factor that prevents the concept of a ‘True Self’ from being realistically possible: and that is the fact that humans change. I’m sure almost everyone who has come across this blog can name an exact Intellectual Property such as a show, a book, comic, or game they once loved but now feel soured towards due to a connection to someone they dislike or that has otherwise left their life. People get injured. Would it be disingenuous for a runner to no longer consider themselves a runner if they lost their legs? And please don’t split hairs over implants or prosthetics—those are expensive and not something everyone can have. 

Here is an interesting point that many of those who work in mental health and addictions know: people who change their self concept away from a ‘user’ or an ‘addict’ do better at avoiding their previous vice. In this case, concept wins out over behavior. It’s also the principle behind the saying ‘fake it until you make it.’ Truly, the human mind can be startlingly strong. 

Do we not as humans change our personal concept on a regular basis? It happens a lot when we are children. But, it is a natural part of the human condition to go through phases of life. We are born. We are children. We are teenagers. Then we become adults and even then we slowly mature. If we are blessed with good fortune and good health, we also become elderly. Then we die. 

How could it be possible who hold old ‘true’ self when our entire lives are based on change? 

Thus, the concept itself seems curious to me indeed. But, I am also a firm believer in complex, multifaceted people that do change. Change is very interesting. 

So, dear readers, what is something in your self concept that has changed?