Originally, I was going to write this week’s blog post about a far more serious matter. But, I somehow couldn’t make myself start. Dear readers, I think a lot of us get a lot of bad news these days. I couldn’t quite get the words to start. So, instead, I’m going to talk about this. 

The Tyranny of ‘Should’ 

This phrase is one of my favorites from my time in my master’s program. And it’s a direct commentary on one way to interrupt the Thoughts/Beliefs, Feelings, and Behaviors circle within the context of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. In essence, we are constrained by our beliefs and thoughts about culturally-appropriate and expected behaviors. We think we ‘should’ go to college and we ‘should’ get a ‘normal’ job. 

This sense of what is culturally expected becomes very much a tyrant in our lives when we allow it to literally dictate everything about us. Imagine, if you would, the face of Donald Trump or Mitch McConnell speaking to you the way you speak to yourself about these things. It suddenly seems a little…dubious when it’s coming out of the mouth of them, doesn’t it? ‘You SHOULD never miss a day of xyz.’ ‘You SHOULD wear NORMAL clothes.’ 

Oh my. Quite the wretched mental image isn’t it? 

This is why letting ‘shoulds’ have too much influence and power can be a problem. The occult and the strange have always been on the fringes of society. And, yes, dare I say we all ‘should’ exercise more often, get more sunshine, and eat more vegetables instead of wallowing in piles of Cheese-itz. But, many things are not a perfect fit for everyone. College and traditional jobs certainly fit some people very well, but I’m not one of them—just as an example. 

Starting and Stopping: and the Freedom to do so

I think many of us, me included, have fallen victim to the grind mindset and the hustle culture of our era. One only has to make a single search on any social media platform with a ‘how to accomplish’ or ‘how to get xyz’ and you’ll see the same message: be consistent. Never stop. Keep up everything. 

And we have spoken before, dear readers, about the ability to choose to make things ‘just’ a hobby and not treat everything in the world like a business. Well, maybe it’s alright, then, to allow ourselves the grace to take a rest? There are many things in my life that I felt I was shackled to, because I ‘had’ to make them a success. And then I would end up tying myself up into all sorts of emotional knots if I wanted to stop something. 

Even worse, I’d do the exact same thing if I wanted to pick it up later. Oh! How uniquely wretched and a horrible ‘flip flopper’ I must be to go back on a previous decision or change my mind? It’s as if we don’t ever give ourselves the ability to change our minds or even just have something be ‘for now.’ So very, very many things are temporary. So it seems so foolish in hindsight to think or behave as if things must be permanent. 

We change. It’s what makes us human. But, the world around us also changes. How many small business owners are suffering now because of this tariff situation? Even if they were doing so well that they could grow up until very recently, what must they do now? 

Maybe some things are allowed to be ‘only for now.’ And maybe we should be flexible enough to understand that. 

Dearest Readers: what is something you ever felt guilty about starting, stopping or ‘flip flopping’ on?