The vast majority of the time, when someone on the internet says that (in whatever arrangement of words they please) that they are very special and no one else is as special as them, and only they have the ability to understand the mysteries of the cosmos, they’re full of shit. But, when it comes to Gnosis and Mysteries? I think that this may be one subject that is as strange and unfathomable as people on on the internet make it out to be. 

I, at first, also didn’t understand The Mysteries. Why did they have such a pompous name? Well, it’s because that’s exactly what they are: Mysteries. I don’t feel like I can explain them in a way that will benefit people as much as I would like. But, I’m going to try. 

Experiences, not Explanations 

Everyone I spoke to said that you have to experience these things, they can’t really be explained. Not really. And not for a wont of trying. I would not say they are necessarily world-shattering. But, they have a way of being just the right size to change your perspective. 

The first time I experienced a Mystery, I was asleep. I was also lovesick. There was someone I knew I couldn’t be with, but not because of anyone’s fault. It was just the way things were. In a dream, I was chasing their affection, still hoping that I could win them over. And then someone who I didn’t recognize told me something: if you want an incantation to work, state three true things and then a fourth thing that you want to be true. It will Become. 

And, somehow, I knew that they believed 100% what they told me—whoever or whatever they were. 

I was very confused. In the dream, it had very little to do with what was happening. It seemed out of place. I sat on this for months, because it was strange. Part of the reason it was strange was because I remembered it so vividly compared to other things I dreamt. During a discussion on incantations, someone told me my incantations were very good. So I told them I learned that specific tidbit from a dream. 

I still can’t express the certainty that I feel about this—because I cannot be explained. 

Does that make sense? 

Sudden Enlightenment

The second time I experienced a Mystery or a Gnosis, I was very ill. I had been feverish for some time, and was hovering around 102F. The fever dreams were very strange, very intense, and I was covered in nightmare sweat. I remember pausing, almost as if I was breaking the fourth wall within my dream. And I suddenly knew something about a subject that I had no real experience in, aside from watching people at the very periphery of my own social spheres. ‘Demons’ as are often described using a Goetic basis are not evil. They aren’t even malicious. The only ‘problem’ with them is that practitioners who are not good at regulating their own emotions are effected by their different nature. i.e. people who are already emotionally unbalanced are going to be more effected by dealing with something that does not have to interface with the world as we do. 

Demons are creatures of desire, and encourage humans to follow their desires. The trouble is…life in our world is not always conducive to getting what we want, when we want it. And so a Demon’s influence can bring those who are already having trouble interacting with the world in a positive manner into a state where they have even more trouble. Desire in itself is not inherently evil. I would argue Desire is necessary for life. 

But, the problem comes when some asshole with no way to manage or regulate their own emotions properly has their ‘seek your desires’ button pressed too hard for them to handle and they start throwing tantrums in spaces and company that don’t take well to tantrums. No one here is ‘bad’ or ‘evil.’ They are acting in accordance to the way they know how to behave, with logic inherent to their own type of existence. In another way of putting it: if a fish gives a bird advice, that advice might not be good for a bird interacting with other birds. 

There is only Hitsuzen

Fate is a very strange thing. And people seem to be generally under the false idea that Fate always has to be grand, and reaching your ‘Fate’ is the end of your story. Sometimes you are Fated only to know a certain thing is Fated.

When I think about the concept of ‘Fate’, I always think to the concept of ‘Hitsuzen’ from XxxHolic. ‘There is only Hitsuzen’ is a phrase a friend of mine uses often. This is sometimes in reference to little bits of synchronicity that come up. Sometimes it’s in reference to omens that tell you that, yes, you are on the right path. One of the biggest weaknesses that I have is getting in my own way, and I need a metric fuckton of synchronicities to stop that. 

Fate or Hitsuzen give you a little chill down your spine. You can feel it, once you’ve experienced it once or twice. Again, this is something I wish I could explain. My own use of language is lacking.

Some things are not synchronicity. I used to know someone who was convinced they were a chosen of one specific deity, because they often saw hawks from their apartment. They lived next to roadsides, and close to farmland. Farmland has a lot of fields—where rodents like to live, and farm plots are divided by trees where we live. 

So it was an ideal habitat to be a hawk in. This is why I didn’t really believe her. This was not hitsuzen, but a very common coincidence. It’s like saying you must be ‘cursed’ because your power got shut off, and not considering that you didn’t pay the bill. 

Have any of you experienced these things? What was that like for you?